Tuula: The Life of a Legend
by xxtuulaloverxx
Summary: A native Finnish hero who has come to America to experience new and exciting things about this mysterious country.
1. Chapter 1: the Early Life

Tuula was raised by a she-wolf in the late 1800's, in the mountainous region of Finland. High above the rest of the world, Tuula was jumping tree to tree pursuing her dreams. I must say she was a free spirit, soaring above the tree tops with her dragon wings. She was becoming quite the lady. Her horns have started to grow in and a tail was beginning to form. Tuula's siblings were all wolves and she had a capybara for a cousin. The viking village below her place of living feared the ferocious Tuula. Everyone who has climbed the forbidden mountain has never returned. The vikings tell their children the awful tales of Tuula for soothing bedtime stories. There have been countless songs and books written in the mighty Tuula's honor. At such a young age many knew the great things she would accomplish in her lifetime. She would be in history books thousands of years after her much dreaded death.

Today was the day Tuula would be crowned king of the mountain top. One squirrel attended the beautiful ceremony that was soon ruined my a sudden tornado that everyone knew she was the chosen one. Soon after the tornado lifted Tuula away from the homeland she landed sprawled in the middle of a new continent that would later be named Tuulandia. Tuula lived her life as anyone would on the solitary land. She twerked for her boyfriend, the narwhal, every day at 6:13 pm. Every half hour she ate her two tons of sardines (if she doesn't eat them she will turn into a monster the size of the earth and throw everyone off the planet). One day she came close to death when her boyfriend's horn got stuck in her lower intestine. Thanks to her extra skin, caused by her eight siblings she ate in the womb, she survived. Tuula's heart was still in Finland and she knew in order to stay true to her country she needed to learn how to read, Finland has a 100% literacy rate. She studied day in and day out the only time she stopped was for sardine breaks and occasionally sniffing out her ex boyfriend who she was apparently too "masculine" for. Before she knew it she was 16 and her flower print horns were now long and shimmering in the sunlight. Her tail dragged along the ground and she was now able to hunt with these weapons like her ancestors. For dinner she stabbed her first sea urchin and then rammed into a rain deer for desert. Oh how proud the she-wolf clan would have been. As she continues on with her education, she learns all about america and devotes her life to discover more about it. after 200 years of saving up, she finally had enough money to go to Mansfield Massachusetts where she found work and living in qualters middle school's basement.


	2. Chapter 2: The Move

After saying goodbye to her imaginary friends she majestically dives into the temperate ocean. Her natural body heat makes this trip very difficult for her. Tuula gets thirsty so she collects her excessive amount of sweat for a delicious protein drink. Her imaginary friends guide her along the journey. The extra skin on her stomach is used like a raft, keeping afloat and occasionally taking on passengers. Tuula dived into the depths of the ocean to catch her dose of sardines. Tuula was now 250 years old and she celebrated her birthday like any other person by flying through the air on dolphins with wings then she stuck a candle in the dolphin's blowhole and suffocated it. She then ate it for a cake. The next day Tuula was bitten in her pinkie toe fat by a merman and her fungus covered feet grew together into a periwinkle colored fish tail. This was only temporary of course because she got hungry and ate it five seconds later. Tuula continued to float along sometimes she would end up suffocating herself with her back fat. One day she was passing by modern day Djibouti and an angry mob began to chase her with torches and pitchforks. Tuula didn't even know what was going on around her but when the people tried attacking they bounced off of her and landed 3000 miles away. She continued to drink her protein drink daily and stabbed her sardines. Sometimes as a treat she would trap a child in one of her rolls and drink their organs. Day after day Tuula floated by blocking the sun from the rest of the world. After some years of traveling she realized she was heading in the wrong direction so she ordered a military helicopter to provide a forklift to turn her around. Tuula sometimes got lonely so she extended her elastic arm to Japan and plucked a man out of his home. The man was named Mr. Sohn and she talked to him about her feelings while he frantically tried to jump off of her wrinkled skin. Day by day he got freer and freer until eventuallty escaped. Tuula began to form an outer coating of gel and trapped her prey within. Soon, mr. sohn has had enough of tuula and agrees to slingshot her across the ocean to America if she agrees to stay out of Japan forever. And after a good 17 hours of sky-high flying, tuula landed on the turf at mansfield high school.


	3. Chapter 3: Upon Her Arrival

Unfortunately she happened to land in district 14, which was just added due to the downfall of many other districts. She was welcomed by the resurrected Cinna and Effie. Because off her masculine look, they thought she would be a perfect tribute for the 199th hunger games. After the reaping, she got styled by Cinna to look like a dragon and came into the arena like a wrecking ball. In the first 3 minutes she killed off 20 of the 24 tributes just by swallowing them whole or trapping them in her multiple rolls of fat. I'd go further into details but i can assure you you would rather me skip to the end. Tuula and her partner Tina wooed the critics with their unconditional bond that could not be broken. They didn't care and sadly, Tuuna(the relationship name of Tuula and Tina) would come to an end. Tuula swallowed Tina's weak and tiny body in a matter of seconds. She lived to see the end of the dictation era and began a whole new life back in Mansfield, living underneath the bleachers with her old pets, stuffed to keep her company. Although hardly understandable, Tuula applied to be a substitute teacher in the Middle School. Surprisingly, she was accepted and spent 11 weeks subbing for the 7th grade aqua team in science. Day by day she went on with her life yelling at anyone who stood in her way. "Rachel don't sit on the table you'll burn acid through your pants." was one of the most remembered lines buy her students. after a long day of teaching, Tuula went back to her home in between the walls of the middle school and knitted herself a full body suit for the coming winter months. Being from Finland she didn't really understand this whole "people" thing and decided to take a break from teaching and explore the world. Where she met the love of her life Shanice the Sea Lion.


	4. Chapter 4: Exploring New Things

As usual tuula was trying new things and entered a mysterious building where she came across a normal thought it took you to a secret lair so she entered and as they began to move, she felt a strange movement in her stomach as the mechanism began to new feeling made her extremely excited and she was finally having fun for the first time in a while. A man was in the elevator with her and he was dressed in a tuxedo and spoke in a Russian accent. He assured her that they weren't going into a secret lair. He was lying. He pressed the red button. Tuula was very giddy. Tuulas obese body broke the elevator string and they dropped 21 floors before crashing and the Russian man pryed open the door with a crowbar. They were at the science Russian federation lab of , they were shot with a dozen tranquilizers and brought to the middle of the forest where they soon woke, covered in bird poop. She sat up and used her dragon wings to soar above the treetops back to her room under the her dinner of already chewed gum, Tuula saw a man walking a small brown barked and pounced on the dog and swallowed the poor innocent soul whole. That man wouldn't stop yelling at her so she swallowed him as 's stomach began to turn. She was feeling as sick as a sloth when she knew she had to throw up. The dog emerged from her mouth with patches of skin missing and he was shivering like dog whimpered and laid down. Tuula soon regurgitated the man and covered with slime, grabbed his dogs leash and slumped whispered angrily to himself as he walked away. The sun was going down and Tuula was ready for bedtime, however she was physically unable to fall asleep without a bedtime told her self and interesting story about a cowboy who sang into the finally fell asleep. The next morning she awoke to a police officer at her bedside. He interrogated her and then tried to arrest for for living on public property and turning a man and dog into zombies. When she resisted, the officer shot her and the bullet bounced off of Tuula's blubber and went into his eye ended the officers heard sirens in the near distance. They were after her. She quickly gathered her few belongings and left.


	5. Chapter 5: The High-Speed Chase

Tuula, sweating from attempting to run to her car which was under the bleachers, was running out of time. She approached her Oscar Mayer hot dog mobile, regurgitated her keys and was on her way getting away from the cops. Burrito in hand, Tuula was heading for the she owned of of these fancy mechanisms, she's never actually driven it before. She paused every 10 seconds to eat another whole burrito. The cops were catching up... She made a difficult decision to throw the burrito out the window and step on the soon had a pack of wild dogs chasing after her along with the cops. There was a fried chicken stand on the side of the road and Tuula was starving (she hadn't eaten for 5 whole minutes). She threw her arm out the wiener window and grabbed the stand. The cops blaring lights blinded her sensitive eyes so she swerved off the she swerved, the hot dog mobile being as big as it is, completely ran over and crushed a Prius in the next lane over. Tuula laughed because her ex boyfriend drives a Prius as well. Tuula snapped back into focus after eating the entire stand and frantically looked into the rear view mirror. She noticed they were bringing in the SWAT team in helicopters. She pulled over to eat a watermelon. She got her box of banana peals out of the trunk that she had been saving for a moment like this. She said " They think they can trick me. They cannot trick me I am no fool!" She evilly laughed to she was uncontrollably chuckling, a duck snuck into the car and got stuck on her face goo. This made it hard for her to see, but she still managed to find her incase of emergency candied had been saving this human for a special occasion. She are the honey and chocolate covered him a she made herself which was also rolled in sugar. She savored every bit. Tuula of course was too lazy to clean up all the blood but she didn't mind the mess. She dumped the banana peals out the window hoping the police would slide however, she ran over them and spun out police had finally caught up to her,  
.Luckily she has plan Z... She opened her mouth wide and swallowed 7 cop cars worth of people. She chuckled and putted her way back home. The now damaged hot dog mobile was parked and then Tuula took a walk. She noticed some of her students sitting at the park. These students were on her good side if you will. She crawled over to them then scared the life out of them. That's when she really attacked them... With a nice big bear hug. Tuula didn't mean to hurt these kids but,the strength of her hug suffocated them to realize that she was a mad killer. Coming from her Finnish origin, this is frowned upon in that society. Tuula knew this but she was becoming more independent and didn't care. She then ate the children after dipping each one in cinnamon and got back in her Oscar Mayer mobile and drove away because we dragon wings were too she drove off into the sunset until she had to stop for a bathroom break.


	6. Chapter 6: Curling

Tuula was getting homesick so she decided to take a visit back to Tuula was at the highway rest stop she saw a flyer for "curlers wanted"Of course the flyer was talking about hair, but this brought up memories of when in high school Tuula was the number one curler in decided to turn back. It was her destiny. Tuula waddled into the closest sporting goods store. The alarms went off when she entered and she was almost taken into the animal shelter until she ate the animal officers. Tuula continued her shopping and found the perfect curling was bright blue and red;perfect. Tuula took this stick everywhere se was ready to go back to her homeland and play the sport she was best at. Tuula bought four southwest plane tickets because she counted as four people she was so fat. All she packed was her stick and 5 jars of jam. During the flight she kicked the seat in front of her and continually hit the flight attendant button just to annoy her because she refused to give her another bag of pretzels after she ate took up four prison cells because otherwise her rolls of fat leaked out through the metal bars eventually breaking them. She wouldn't fit in any of the strait jackets so she was wrapped up in 10 deer felt very proud of herself after getting escorted off the plane because her stomach appeared to have a six pack due to the prison cell bars being so tight on her. She dragged her luggage straight to the curling ice where she signed up for a Finnish curling league to go to the Olympics and began to met a nice man named Marquice and began to fall in this crazy thing called love... Except her love isn't exactly how we react to the feeling while we flirt she licks while we try to be "cute" she tries to turn them to stone with her evil was a member at the curling club and occasionally had to hit her with his broom because she would go on a love rampage. They had to play each other in the curling tournament so they had to learn to hate each other but Tuula didn't care. Tuula flawlessly flew right to the finals in the tournament and was by far the best. Her opponent Marquice. She sobbed so much she lost 5 pounds of body weight but gained 20 while eating ice cream. She was very proud for getting this far and wasn't giving up now. She grabbed a piece of paper to write Marquice a note but doing so got a career ending injury. A paper was no ordinary paper cut. It all happened when she used her 3 tubes of lipstick to kiss the paper. She went to kiss it and cut her nose. Tuula screamed and yelped for help. Tragedies like this happen once in a lifetime. The paramedics came and took the now calm Tuula. The only reason she was calm is because they have her a whole gallon of tranquilizer fluid. Once they got to the hospital they but a bandaid on it and she was all set to go. She dodged a huge bullet today. Although she was very lucky that day that she didn't lose her nose, unfortunately Marquice won by default and Tuula's dream was crushed.


End file.
